I have survived through turmoils of my life and came to see the effects of not having addressed my internal needs. I have been in internal pain for several years and overlooked my innermost state of being altogether. The internal feeling that something was not good, was ongoing and gnawing at my heart. I never realigned to see into myself and tell myself the truth of what was truly happening to me. The truth lies right within.
What is going on within is the key to your own wellness and happiness. What manifests externally over time, is the lack, the abandonment, the intensity of life to the degree of not being able to have peace. The separation from the innermost results in separation from people who love you, from ideas that will succeed, from the abundance that is available to you, and from all the good that eventually never comes by.
Separation from myself was the only minus that I had in my life. I was so busy fixing everyone else’s lives, to the degree of sacrifice. I never stopped for a moment to feel, and to truly acknowledge how hard that was on me to be, how painful it was to deal with people who only took and didn’t appreciate. All of that I have done out of unconditional love for them. The question arises, did I love myself? I didn’t even know what that meant. The truth is, I forgot myself. I forgot that I also needed all of that which I was giving out. The giving is a one-sided road, the receiving was happening less and less. The getting to the correct place for myself became impossible because I lost the way back to myself.
The main issue in my life was the issue of having people with needs who could not or did not want to take care of themselves. From early childhood, I was responsible for those around. I took care of my baby brother from the age of seven. I helped my mom at home to cope with her difficult marriage. And I was her best friend from early days carrying the burdens that surpass the knowledge of a child. At times I was given an unkind treatment for anything that went wrong as my parents struggled through their marriage. Even though my parents loved me and did their best.
In fact, when I grew up I could not even fathom how to take compliments, keep the gifts and not re-gift them, how to allow for help to myself, and how to voice that I had problems. Coping with problems for me in my late twenties sided with hiding from people and putting up an exterior that I was okay. I was used to being a strong shoulder, financially responsible, a good listener, a good friend, and a reliable person. How could I have problems?
Looking back on my childhood, I knew where it all began. That was the way I had to be for my mother who always had problems in her marriage, how could I even tell her of my problems, when her problems of an adult were so huge! I am still this way, but rather more in recognition that I also have needs and need to address my innermost being.
When you don’t look into yourself and don’t take time to pause and pay attention to what is going on with you, the internal voice will get louder. If you haven’t heard your internal voice for a while, your life will start reflecting that over time. And you will find it not easy to address all that has happened to your life. Life goes on regardless even when you have manifested problems. Without you, life simply is happening. With you, it becomes.
Without feeling, you cannot find the state of the innermost. Without having, you will not manifest. You cannot navigate your life with success without addressing. Success is a relative concept, it is your success we are talking about. Success is the reason to live.
The innermost does not always respond to your requests. It is that which does not have. It is also that which has. The innermost achieves everything. Achievements of any kind. Achievements are strong, and don’t give anything within, but create. Manifestations ripen and show where you truly are. Your innermost being manifests.