~ Channeled from Master Ataro, Diverse Internal:
This happened in my early life. When I used to receive gifts and things from other people, I always used to wonder. I knew it was not what I wanted, and I needed something else instead. For some reason they thought it was exactly what I needed. But it was not so. The needs of internals are not known.
When I voiced that it was not what I wanted, people in my life used to get upset. They didn’t even figure out that I wanted something else instead. At times I would be tired of explaining, and instead I would simply take what was given. But the joy of receiving was not there. I hardly wanted what I was given. I wanted always something else. And what I was given, didn’t even suit me. It almost looked as I was not appreciative of the gifts. They always thought they gave me what I truly needed. It was not so at all.
I wanted other things. My friends didn’t gift me what I wanted. I would pass such gifts unto others. And then I would always think, why my friends didn’t know what I truly needed. They were clueless about my true feelings. Over time I never felt that it was worth to continue. People would wonder why I would stop being in touch. It was because I thought they didn’t know who I was. At the time I didn’t know that I was internal, and to be precise, a diverse internal.
My needs were addressed incorrectly. They were not resolved the right way. I never wanted such relationships after. If they didn’t see me and didn’t feel what my needs where, It was a sign, a red flag, they didn’t understand me and didn’t feel me. That led to dissipation of my relationships. I didn’t want to stay for long in such connections as being understood meant a lot for me. Their lack of understanding of who I was would lead to further dissipation of the relationship. I also refused to understand them in my own way. They intended well, they showed care. Yet, they didn’t think. They didn’t think that I could not receive what I didn’t need. My failure here was, I didn’t understand that they were not able to feel me. My soul could not tolerate that. When I was not understood, I left.
The needs of internals are not felt. They are. The needs exist. We do have them. Even though our existence is about being there for others, we are still in physical form being manifested on this plain, where psychical needs are very real and we need care like everyone else. We hardly ask for what we need. We don’t know how to voice our needs. And we let it go. We normally do it for ourselves. We seem not being seen. And not being seen means not being given what we need. It is a common problem for internals.
Diverse internals are very capable. They know what they need. And they also know what others need.
I was only capable when I was. And I could. And I could not. I was capable to do everything myself. It led to my own defeat at times. I took on everything. I tried and I was overbearing. And it led to my disgust of the activities through increasing exhaustion. And when I kept trying to do everything myself, over time I became not okay. I could not be in order, I was always trying, and I was not only upset, but thought, why people didn’t know? And they didn’t. And that was the moment I thought, what was wrong with me? I was not delegating. I always did everything myself. I didn’t see the value of what others would offer. And I didn’t appreciate what I had. I felt it was not the right direction.
It was my choice. I chose to seek the solution. I led the trust of my own capacity to fulfillment. And it was hard. And it was not okay to seek help. I only helped. It is not what I am. It is what I am within. Everything I have, I have. I create. I do. I have been. I know how. I did. I am going to do. I always knew how, and I know how.
The needs we cannot resolve on our own. We need support of others. We need to invite into our life assistance. The best bet for internals is to collaborate with our internal friends and family who can give, who can. They know, they will understand and they will.
I am sure that many of internals will see their portraits in this article. I have seen me. I know me. And I say, we are. We are not capable to do what others do. They take. We give.