Internal Once, Internal Twice

I became a Truly Internal not so long ago. I knew what it’s like to be a Diverse Internal. It still is so familiar and so easy to speak of. I still can hold a feeling of what it’s like to be that way. If you need to find out more about external and internal forces, read the article “Two Forces of Life”. To identify your own type, you can look through the descriptions in “Portraits”: Diverse Internal, Truly Internal, Diverse External & Truly External.

My former Higher Self was an External. Because of that I always had some sort of goal, some call for outward action. My focus was always on doing, achieving and being fully engaged in life. Being alone seemed to be a directionless state. It was good to be by myself sometimes. Otherwise, I never enjoyed being alone for too long. I felt like I had no sense of self, I didn’t know who I was, why I was, and I hardly could tell what I thought of myself. It seemed to me that life was not happening. Only through engaging with people I felt that life went on, I felt a sense of self, and I felt needed, loved, and life seemed to have some meaning.

My vision of me normally was formed by other people in my life. I saw myself through their eyes. For example, my friends felt, I was nurturing, caring, and a true friend. And so I was! My employers saw me as capable, diligent and responsible, and that I was! The better they thought of me, the more I shined. They were creating my self-image. As I stated in my previous article “Comfortable Place”, Diverse Internals thrive in unions, unions define who they are, and supportive unions create a successful lives for Diverse Internals. I can truly say, that for as long as I had amazing caring people in my life who gave back, who cared, who loved, who saw me well, I thrived! When failures came, that was the time, when support suddenly left my life. My former Higher Self decided she didn’t want to support my incarnations, she lost interest, her life was fuller without incarnate selves. For more info on this, read my article on “Impossible Misalignments”. As her support left, my life started bringing to me the people who cared the least. Diverse Internals truly depend on support. Be it just a kind word, support is important! The people they choose for their life, the environment, the parents, as well as their Higher Selves, dictate success in their lives. Without support nothing happens for Diverse Internals.

Due to my external side, as a person, I had love for intelligence and was drawn to math, physics and programming. I was mentally capable, I functioned logically and reasoned well. That’s how my external qualities were expressed. Many external people are very bright, their logic is impeccable. I was only external partially and not at the core, and that was enough for external qualities to show up. I shall admit that many people who carry an external charge, will gravitate to precise sciences. There are also people who absolutely cannot handle math, but they are very capable at arts and literature and other creative pursuits. These people for some reason are soul deep, inspired and at times even withdrawn. I started noticing that I am becoming that type of person myself…

My new Higher Self is internal. That means that I am transforming into a Truly Internal. I am stepping into a new phase of my life. Somehow I feel more at home, I feel at peace, and I know today Who I Am. There is a real feeling to Who I am, there is a potency onto its own completeness. I feel that my internal core got a much stronger support. It is a new journey, I am yet to find out what I will become over time.

True Internals are very deep people. They are soul deep. They think and feel deeply. They have a rich internal world. They don’t act much. They are potent. I believe that their focus is the soul, rather than the mind. It is apparent that some of the Truly Internals lack certain mental capabilities, and seem to be processing on the mental plain much slower than those who have an external charge. Yet they are highly capable of introspection, asking questions of themselves and others to figure things out, and they take their time with that. Truly Internals evolve with time and become highly intelligent. As I said, mental faculties is not their strongest suit, but with time, with age, with growth, they learn. Their experiences shape them.

I’ve seen various degrees of development of Truly Internals. Younger souls seem to express love and care, yet, doing well in professions and schools is hard. Being very curious, they learn the way they can. Those who are more evolved, seem to be able to ask the right questions in life, they become interesting people to talk to. They search, they seek, they find. Many display amazing artistic capabilities. Because of their soul journey, inspiration is what usually calls them, they tend to develop a deeper capability to feel. They are soul intelligent. The introspection they display, is a sign of deeper processing, they don’t just think, they feel, they use all other than mental faculties to process the external input. There is a natural disconnect at times between them and the external world. They also might not be able to process purely logical information. They will need a lot more to be given in order to understand.

Having been a Diverse Internal, I have acquired quite a few external skills. I have been. I am acquiring new skills that Truly Internals have. I will be. Because of that I see the advantages and drawbacks in both types. For example, Diverse Internals can have amazing long lasting friendships and relationships, they shine through unions. Diverse Internals also have a great capacity to manifest in the area that their External Higher Selves are thriving. Those areas in their lives are natural, come with ease and are successful. On the other hand, anything that Diverse Internals want to manifest for themselves & especially where there is no focus on that from their Higher Self, they are blocked on. To manifest for themselves, Diverse Internals need to be in unions that are giving back to them. The giving nature of Mixed Internals is legendary. That is also their downfall. Having too many people who take from them, drains their health, and robs them of good luck. And in general, it is unnatural for their External Higher Selves to be helping their Internal incarnate selves correctly. It is because of a varied charge, either internal or external, they don’t always understand each other. Mixed Internals truly work hard. They are vibrant as personalities, full of energy and full of love. They are here not for themselves but for those who they love. I truly adore this type, it is a wonderful persona that is deeply caring and to have such people in your life is a gift in itself. If you feel, you resonate and feel you might be a Diverse Internal, explore more within the articles of this category.

I cannot say much about my Truly Internal qualities yet, they are in progress. I do feel that the external charge from my former Higher Self has left for good. It does show that my true essence is nevertheless Internal. I no longer experience the same soul drive. I still care and love same as Diverse Internals, but there is no charge to go out of my way to please people. The helpfulness that I enjoyed so highly, is not there. It got replaced with the need to help only when I am asked, only if it is appropriate, and the reason is rather knowledge and because I have it. It is about evolution of self. It is about research, there is a need to seek. The focus became more internal and withdrawn. It is about self-reflection. These qualities once matured do manifest as an abundance and spill forth to be shared with others. It is a new path for me and I don’t know what to expect. I am open.

The main part of it all is LOVE, we are all LOVE, regardless of charge. It is the love that gets charged and manifests in one way or the other. I know that Diverse Internals and Truly Internals are Love. They represent this potent complete state of being. The LOVE that they are gets activated by the externals. When the external charge is present, the internal force gives birth. It is almost as the male and female forces that move in the eternal co-creative dance. The external and internal forces also co-create. Without them returning back to God would be impossible. The potency of internals and the moving nature of externals create the right dynamics for engaging with life.

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