The Internal World of the Internal is more important than what’s outside. The soul of the internal is all about Potent Creation. The potency is felt strongly. As I am becoming a Truly Internal, I can feel how my soul swells with potency and the capability to create and hold my Creation. It is apparent to me, that God is that way, Truly Internal, truly Potent and Capable. The nature of Truly Internals is ancient, it comes from the very inception of God’s Multiverse. God’s nature is truly potent, ready to conceive.
That’s how I feel. I never had such a state when I was a Mixed Internal. My focus was always externalized to seek those who needed my soul to heal them, to help and to give. I never knew what I was when I was a Mixed Internal. People in my life defined me by seeing me through my actions. They saw my qualities through externalization of them via actions. I never could think even for a moment what I was. It was an impossible task.
My former Higher Self was an External Being. Being internal, I kept externalizing my internal qualities, everything that I had, myself, my love, my creativity, my help, my care. All of me went to people in my life. I see this pattern in my dear guy friend who is a Mixed Internal. I know who he is and what he is like because I was that way.
Mixed Internals always externalize what they are, they hardly have or ask for anything, but always give without exception. They are beautiful souls who bless many around them. They care and love, and that is highly externalized. They seek out people to help, they pick up broken souls and damaged individuals. They feel a highly pressing need inside to help and assist other souls.
My new Higher Self is Internal. So, I have shifted towards becoming a Truly Internal. I feel my focus has also changed. I also care and give, but it feels different. There isn’t a pressing need to go out there and help others. There is a deep knowing, I have, I am the help, I can give, and I do, when asked. The potency cannot give unless it is asked for. And when I give, it feels like I give to myself. I give within my close circle of friends and family. They are the extensions of me. When I give, I give myself. The giving does not leave my circle, It is within my being that I give.
Having been a Mixed Internal, I have experienced the extremeness of the external force. My former Higher Self was self-centered, never thought for a moment to take care of me as her incarnate self, to provide or do the work needed for our mutual success and Ascension. The manifested experiences that I went through in this lifetime were not aligned to the life itself. She never cared to have incarnations, so I experienced death directly and indirectly. It reached the apogee in this lifetime. My transition to a new Higher Self was not the easiest experience. Having been drained of life, and not having much left within and without, neither my life nor body reflected the wellness.
The life did not respond positively to me for nine years. Everything in my life was pointing out, I needed to quit. My life was not happening. In fact, I have been through the death of the people who I cared for. I felt like I have died many times myself through being sick.
It’s been only a year since my new Higher Self took me in. The old manifestations of the former Higher Self still hold true to this day. For many years I had been attracting self-centered external people. People who never made it easy for me. People who loved themselves the most. People who took and hardly gave back. People who closed their eyes and ears to my struggles at the time when I gave to them all I had.
These past several years I desperately tried to get along with the external world. I manifested a few external people and worked hard on those relationships. It seems that if I was giving without asking for anything in return, they were content with me. If I ever were to ask for anything, I would often get a rejection. I worked on those relationships not understanding why they were difficult. Now as I see it, my relationships with them were identical to the one with my former External Higher Self. The incarnate externals were giving me the same attitude and treatment as she was.
Through the connection with external people, I tried to fix my external world, and, without realizing it, my relationship with my former External Higher Self. The world outside of me was not fixable. No matter how good I was, the issues persisted. I took care of everyone and often financially. And when I became broken, depleted, and sick, I was rejected on every level. My former External Higher Self got rid of me – I was weak and needed help and she didn’t have time for me. My external husband got rid of me because I was sick and not able to contribute financially to the household. I was dropped out of existence.
I was desperately trying to fix my external world coping with many impossible external issues. Things were happening to me for no reason. I only found myself more and more broken and depleted. Trying to fix my external world was not happening. Now, as I see it, I needed to fix it all within. In fact, you cannot fix anything externally. Even though God created us as internal and external, the internal force is the primary one. It is the original force. It is the only harmonious force. Without internals, life would become hard to live. It is the fixing force for everyone.
I want to share a small story. I have a house that has an internal garden in the backyard and the external front garden outside of the house. I had a gardener come in. And I didn’t know what to expect. So I allowed. He went in and without thinking, cut down branches and twigs on all of my trees and bushes so they look good externally. The front garden looked good. Yet the internal garden became ugly and empty.
Having watered my backyard for several months, I had grown grass and bushes, and lovely twigs with flowers appeared on my bougainvilleas. The gardener simply cut off all the beauty and made bougainvilleas small and bushy. All of my wildflowers in the backyard were taken out as weeds. I was upset. My fairytale beautiful garden transformed into an ugly empty place. It truly made me think. What is happening here? How could I have allowed someone who only cares about the external side of things to fix my internal garden? He spoilt it all!
I saw immediately the connection with what was going on in my life. I allowed too much of the external force into my internal being. There are things that shall never be. The external force is to stay outside. It cannot go in and shall not. It destroys. It does not understand the needs of the internal. Internal power shall never be dealing with the extremes of the external force. It is borderline destruction. The external force without being balanced becomes difficult, and only caring about external effects, and never addresses the needs of the soul. It is the force for learning. It is not the force for harmony. It is the force for growth, and not for peace. It is the force for power and not for care.
Having observed the situation with my garden, I went to my Higher Self to fix myself within my Being. She responded. We decided. We are not allowing the external force to mess with our internal world. It shall be a beautiful garden, a sacred place, which you never share with the external force. It is something to be kept and cared for. It is the healing temple for you, and those who need it. It cannot be eroded, nor replaced by the external force. It shall always be. The external force will eventually be balanced and returned to become internal. It is a temporary force. It is transitory and not eternal.
The internal world belongs to the Internals. Internal God we have. The external world belongs to the Externals. The external force is to be respected and treated as the engaging force, NOT a creative force. It is the moving force, the fun force, and on the extreme, piercing & destructive. This force is there for a reason. It shall be understood. It shall never rule the Creation of God as God is Internal.
Having dealt with the destructive side of the external force, I say today. The external force does not belong within. It can bring destruction. So, I say NO to the external force. My sacred soul shall not be entered, I am living creation. The external force cannot live there. It is external and shall stay outside, and so it will.
Today I am releasing the external force as destructive to my being. I am aligning myself with the Force of Life that I am. I am life.
Life responds positively to Who I Am, I am.
God responds now.